The entirety of the bible is based on relationships that exist between God and man and the complexities that exist within these. The bible also shares a lot around the relationships that exist between men and women some of which are examples of good, God inspired, wholesome relationships and also more than its fair share of relationships that are the opposite.
God created a desire to exist between males and females right at the start. He told them to go and “be fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 1 v 28). This is clearly a relationship that cannot exist in a purely plutonic way. God created a sexual desire between males and females and “saw all that he had made, and that it was very good” (Genesis 1 v 31). God was impressed and pleased with what He had made and how He had made it to exist together.
It’s important to understand the reasoning behind God’s creation of ‘woman’. Genesis 2 v 18 tells us that God recognised that it was “not good for the man (the one God had created) to be alone” and so He made a “helper suitable for him”. We can now see the two features of the God created relationship highlighted here; Man and woman are created to be sexually attracted to each other in order to reproduce and also that they are to exist alongside each other supporting and ‘helping’ each other.
This does not mean that man (and indeed woman) has kept to this divine arrangement. The bible outlines the circumstances surrounding David, a mighty man of God, and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11) and tells us that “the thing David had done displeased the Lord” v 27. Even the mighty king David found dealing with his passion a challenge. He was already married as was she and yet neither of them was able, or maybe willing to manage their lust. 2 Samuel 12 v 11-18 outlines the price that the couple paid for their sin.
To be clear I am not placing judgement on the actions of David and Bathsheba, that is not for me to do. Instead I am highlighting that what God created at the beginning of time is something that men, and women struggle with today.
We also see examples of Jesus breaking all of the social and cultural expectations and meeting with the ‘unclean Samaritan’ woman at the well (John 4 v 1-26). He knew about her sexual history, which she attested to and yet Jesus chose to speak with her and spend time with her. A short while later (John 8 v 1-11) Jesus was in the Temple courts with a woman caught in the act of adultery. Although this is an act that clearly needs two parties we only hear of the woman. The key part of this passage is verse 11; Jesus forgives her sin and tells her to turn her back on her life choice.
As well as numerous examples of people finding this key human trait difficult to manage, the bible also gives guidance and advice on how to live and love in a way that was ordained by God. 1 Corinthians 7 and Ephesians 5 give some well-known guidance on relationships between a man and a woman. This supports the Godly design that man and woman are built to be dependent on each other in every aspect of their lives and relationships, outlining that you should not “deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time”. This need for intimacy on both parts is clear, as is the expectation that removing this aspect of a relationship opens opportunities for temptation “because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7 v 5). Paul advises that young widows should also marry and have children (1 Timothy 5 v 14).
The bible does not include any wording or outline of a marriage ceremony but instead mentions the contractual exchange of an engagement. The subsequent coupling (often only a short time after the engagement (see Ruth chapters 2-4) is the biblical recognition of marriage. The woman at the well had been married many times before, an indication of the number of sexual partners she had had and not any indication of the number of times she had been a bride. This sexual union between two people is what ‘seals the deal’ of ‘marriage’ in the bible. It is the intended set up for procreation and the raising of children and as such is something of such significance it is designed to only ever be between two people. Once two people have committed themselves to each other through sexual intercourse God’s intended plan is that they are, and remain as “one flesh” (Matthew 19 v 5).
In summary, sexual attraction and desire are creations of God and ordained by God. They are however, to be ‘used’ within the safe, nurturing environment of a loving marriage. Dealing with these God designed desires outside of marriage are difficult and unmarried individuals have a responsibility to manage these pressures. On one hand there is not any expectation placed upon them by their husband or wife to fulfil their marital duty and no other expectations or commitments to fulfil, but on the other hand bearing the burden of the frustrations and potential lack of emotional support and security that comes with not being married is a challenge.
Song of Songs 6 v 3 beautifully sums up the God ordained intention for two people; “I am my beloved’s and he is mine”.
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